Adrian Peterson, running back for the Minnesota Vikings was indicted by a grand jury on charges of reckless or negligent injury to a child. He had a warrant for his arrest and willingly turned himself in on September 13th, 2014. He was processed by the Montgomery County jail and posted a $15,000 bond.
Allegedly, Peterson used a switch to whoop his four-year-old son as a form of discipline after the boy hit another sibling. The boy suffered cuts and bruises to his back, buttocks, legs, ankle, and scrotum. Peterson was charged with one count of injury to a child and could be sentenced up to 2 years in the state jail, and possibly receive a $10,000 fine.
Adrian Peterson was deactivated from playing in this past Sunday’s game with the Minnesota Vikings. The Vikings organization is currently gathering information, and will make a decision on Peterson’s future going forward.
I appreciate the fact that Adrian Peterson is involved in his children’s lives although the extent of his discipline toward his son that day appears harsh, I believe his intentions were more to correct him than harm him. In my upcoming eBook, set to be release September 23rd, “I Want My Daddy… the Psychology of Abandonment” I discuss in a Chapter called-There Is No Instruction Book On How to be a Good Parent- I explained my own trials and errors in discovering the proper methods in which to discipline my kids. I learned that each of my three kids had different temperaments and that there is no one size fits all form of discipline. Therefore, in order to help my emotionally distraught child who was reacting negatively because of abandonment issues, I had to re-evaluate my discipline methods.
I also discuss in my eBook, how as parents we often emulate the examples set forth by our own parents. I’m sure Adrian was modeling the same core method of discipline he experienced as a youngster. I remember my mom stating a phrase right before she warmed my bottom that, “this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you!” Of course, I thought she can’t be serious. The extreme anxiety that rushed over me from knowing that I was about to suffer immediate painful consequences for my behavior was often enough to make me reconsider not making the same mistake twice. When I was young, I did not understand that statement; however, as an adult, with kids of my own, I do understand because you don’t want to see your child sad, and you don’t really want to cause them any pain. We even hate to tell them “No” on certain matters but you know you have to in order for them to learn.
There have been occasions where I dreaded having to spank my child; I can see the anxiety in her that was once in me. However, what I cannot do is ignore or passively discipline in matters where my children can harm themselves or someone else. We have to install in our kids the ability to distinguish right from wrong. I don’t think it is fair to judge one’s methods of discipline, because parenting is a constant work in progress. I think society tries to frown upon corporal punishment but they should also frown upon the sheer lack of discipline, which I believe is the reason why we have seen so many occurrences of mass school shootings in suburban neighborhoods. We can show care and still be firm. Some parents, depending on the child, are able to discipline with a passive time out approach while others need immediate physical discipline to deter future misbehaviors.
What are your thoughts about corporal punishment?
SNEEK PEAK OF CHAPTER-There Is No Instruction Book on How to Be a Good Parent
Children who are experiencing abandonment often act out as a result of their sadness. This can be a difficult time because you don’t want to further traumatize the child by afflicting physical punishment, but you don’t want him or her to lack the ability of distinguishing right from wrong. There has to be a good balance of both sternness and care. I realized with my daughter that when she was acting out at daycare those spankings was only making things worse. What I noticed about her is that she is fearless. So the concept of ‘I better not do anything bad or I’ll get a spanking,’ wasn’t resonating in her moments of defiance, only after she had done it, which meant to me it wasn’t preventing her disruptive behavior. Plus, I believe it was making her more aggressive. By having multiple complaints that she was hitting teachers and students, I felt that she might be learning more to express herself physically instead of communicating her frustrations. So I had to rethink discipline methods for her.
I’m still very stern but I am talking to her more and trying to understand the HOW and WHY of her feelings. She receives less spanking and more time outs, and more punishments where privileges are taken away. I make sure with every positive action Shiloh makes that I acknowledge it with praise because I believe the best method to correcting bad behavior is through positive reinforcement. Once I realized my daughter was in a vulnerable state, I made the necessary changes in hopes that it will be effective in her development.
No one has done everything right when it comes to parenting; it is definitely a lot of trial and error. I’ve questioned things I’ve said and methods I’ve used to discipline and wondered if I am helping or making things worse. I guess the final answer comes from the child who transitions into adulthood…
I Want My Daddy… The Psychology of Abandonment is due to be released on AMAZON September 23rd, 2014, but it’s also available for pre-order. Don’t wait; get it now!